This would be the time the ch ch ch ah ah ah would start playing in a movie. But this is no movie. Just another night at Duke’s Point. Another car with steamed up windows. And in the tape deck…Whitesnake. It always seems to be Whitesnake.

Just once I’d like to come upon some teenage headbangers up here. Maybe do this to Metallica or something. Headbangers probably fuck in graveyards, though, don’t they? Or is that goths? I shrug. Maybe next weekend.

“…right there, Eddie. Yeah…”

I run my meathook along the driver’s side.

“…was that?”

“…mphf…huh?”

I do it again, softer.

“That noise.”

“Dunno, Brenda. Branch? … just bugging…”

They quickly forget about the noise in their lust, the make out session resuming. 

“…oh, yeah, baby…”

I peer through the slits of my mask. Even though the windows are hazy, I can make out Eddie on top of Brenda, his face buried in her cleavage. She’s bucking like a rodeo bull. Disgusting. 

“…ready…”

This is the moment I wait all week for. Teenagers! We all know what parking in a secluded spot means, what this is leading to. I hardly need to hear them to know where this is going. Kiss, kiss, mmm, mmm… Like, duh. 

I slide my hand to the door handle and raise my meathook as Eddie’s pushing up Brenda’s skirt. Predictable or not, this is my idea of a Saturday night.

“…wait, Eddie…um, no, stop…”

The words stop me instead of Eddie, who’s pulling his cock out of his jeans. The girl never says that. I lean in closer to the window as Brenda’s trying to shove him away. Well, looks like assuming really can make an ass out of you.

“…no, Eddie, I said stop!” Her hands are on his chest.

“…fuck, Brenda! …came up for a…” Eddie’s words are muffled as he forces his mouth on hers as she struggles against him. I can hear her muted sobs.

This changes things a bit…Hmmm…

Maybe not by much. Eddie’s a dick no matter what.

I throw open the door—they never lock them—and pull Eddie’s head back by his hair. My meathook slides across his throat like butter. Poor Brenda gets the spray in the face. And it’s one hell of a spray! She freezes, her mouth open wide, as I pull him off her. Our eyes meet through my mask. There’s the scream I’ve come to expect.

As she fumbles for the door, I lean in as slowly as possible, making it easy on her.

She bursts from the other side of the car, arms flailing as she shoots off into the woods. I hope she doesn’t trip over a branch or something. 

Godspeed, Brenda, godspeed.

My mask brushes up against my cheeks as I smile.

She’s had a rough night, what with Eddie trying to force himself on her. She deserves a pass. Everyone knows, it’s the slutty ones who always die first.